My real mid-festival should be this

Getting born in the state of Mississippi
Poppa was a copper and my momma was a hippie
In Alabama she would swing a hammer
Price you gotta pay when you break the panorama
She never knew that there was anything more than poor
What in the world does your company take me for?

Black bandanna, sweet Louisiana
Robbin' on all the bank in the state of Indiana
She's a runner, rebel and a stunner
On her merry way saying baby what you gonna
Lookin' down the barrel of a hot metal.45
Just another way to survive

Chorus:

California rest in peace
Simultaneous release
California show your teeth
She's my priestess, I'm your priest
Yeah, yeah
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/red_hot_chili_peppers/dani_california.html ]
She's a lover, baby and a fighter
Should've seen her coming when it got a little brighter
With a name like Dani California
Day was gonna come when I was gonna mourn ya
A little lonely she was stealing another breath
I love my baby to death

Chorus:

California rest in peace
Simultaneous release
California show your teeth
She's my priestess, I'm your priest
Yeah, yeah

Who knew the other side of you
Who knew what others died to prove
Too true to say goodbye to you
Too true, too say say say

Push the fader, gifted animator
One for the now and eleven for the later
Never made it up to Minnesota
North Dakota man was a gunnin' for the quota
Down in the badlands she was saving the best for last
It only hurts when I laugh
Gone too fast

Chorus:

California rest in peace
Simultaneous release
California show your teeth
She's my priestess, I'm your priest
Yeah, yeah

California rest in peace
Simultaneous release
California show your teeth
She's my priestess, I'm your priest
Yeah, yeah

Moneys in my mind

jobs/drum/bass/guitar/parents/basketball/running/coke/redhotchilipeppers/homeboys/fantasy nba/celtics/reading/nfl/blog/lilwayne

Give and Take

When I don't have a life, I have a lot of friends who continuously back me up no matter what.

When I get my life back, all of them are gone for whatever reasons.

Some are gone because of sickness or fatal incidents. I think this reason shock me the most, because we are just 22, 23 or 24. Can't believe I already have to attend funerals of my friends that soon.

Some are gone because of their lives and future. This is my favorite reason. I wish they could reach their dreams one day. And then we could get together with some beers and look back our past, which include all the laughs and tears, together.

Some are gone because of what I had done. Well, this is a shadow reason. I just have to say you can't know me deep enough.

Some are gone because of who I am. You know what, I always try to be the best, which is more than trying my best, in every subject I got involved in. If you hate me because I work hard. Sorry, I have to choose my strict work ethic over you. Things will only get worse if I am slacking off. I have to work hard just to keep things the way it is as long as possible. Yes, I know things will be gone eventually, but I want to see it's gone because of God's will, not my laziness.

NBA 2K11: Michael Jordan in New York

Just for personal reference.

Fear or Right Call? or Fear of a Right Call? Part II

Holy Spirit is right again. Should step back and let others figure these things out. I was too exciting and done something they don't really enjoy. Worse, some criticized and complained what I had done. I am now at the worst situation since 09. No one really trust me here. No one really allow me do anything I want here. They basically just care what they want to do and what they want to see. 

My Church just want me to be a quiet, and uncreative Christian machine, who will do the same old boring things every week. Well, in ICCF, my UIUC Friday Fellowship, we do the same old boring thing such as worships and bible studies every week. I don't feel boring about it, because we put our hearts into it.

Every Tuesday, we pray for the whole fellowship planning and our brothers and sisters.
Every Wednesday, we pray and prepare for the Friday bible studies.
Every Thursday, we pray for every worship team member, our serving heart and the congregation heart during music worship session.
These practice experiences made me grow.

Now, I'm l just learning how to keep me low profile while not bothering finishing their plan. I pretty sure, they will work better and grow faster without me. I feel so out of place there now. I feel like my effort there earn nothing but extra suffer and disrespect. That totally don't feel like home. It feel like another workplace. For example, when I done things right, no one said anything or even a Thank You, but complains come immediately when I made "mistake" (I quote and quote it, because I don't admit that is a mistake). What kind of place will have such communication style? Only workplace does. Worst, and DAMN, I don't get paid for doing these. 

My Mom just want me a money earning machine.
No PS3/Acoustic Guitar/Drum. Allowing me going to Church and having a Bass Guitar is already her limit of toleration.I think she already forgot how desperate she was when I was still in the States. I always pray my God give me more time and love on this. I want to nurture my mom not to look at money too heavy. Art and music could give us a happy life too. 

This is really hopeless. Especially, after I rejected the Master Program Offer from UIC. I probably need to live like this for 3 more years in order to have some minor improvement. Can't get a proper Urban Planning job unless I have 2-3 urban planning internship experience. However, I expected i will have similar complains even I am in UIC since these are exactly what I had gone through at Chicago 3 years ago.  

I think the main question is What make us act like this? Why UIUC aren't like this?

ai...................

Mistake?

Besides sports, no one ever told me that I made a mistake.
That really touch my nerve when I read this.
I need a retreat. 

Strange and Strong

Yeh, my personality is strange and strong.
That's what happen after people push me to work and practice as hard as I could.

No hard worker is perfect, even the most dedicated football player in our generation,
Peyton Manning, have some strange moments. 

I'm not blaming anything.
I'm just telling why I'm strange and strong.

If you don't want me and ur kid act like that.
Stop push us to work hard,
but I can't guarantee it will lead us to have a better life.

By the way, if strange and strong personality could exchange for a better life,
it's not a bad deal right?
Like we are not committing any crime,
we are just acting strange to keep us away from typical routine. 

People nowadays are just watching me, and they can't see me.
Anyway, I don't need them to see me.
This is not even a mission or a single task in my to-do list.

I just want to be a blessing and good facilitator, so more ppl could be saved and get into our Heavenly Father Kingdom.    

Perhaps

It was something I wrote during last year summer.

If I could start my life all over again,
I would do everything the same.
And everything would end up the same.

Quit thinking and saying what if we did that by that time.
It's impossible.

Why we say perhaps anyway?
because we think better decisions will make our lives more comfortable?
Isn't our life comfortable now?
Didn't our Lord gives everything we feel comfortable already?

Why we say perhaps anyway?
because our characters are not good enough?
how good can I be as I live without you, you and dad and mom everyday?
(And your presence is of course very important since you know my weakness and solution to fix this through your complain.)

I'm good at

I realized I kinda good at saying a lot of sense at one time to overwhelm ppl.

I have to do this for my mom

I am going to keep this here because blogspot keeps stuff better than Facebook.

On Sep 4, 2012. I ask mom a really silly question really seriously.
Me: Mom, what do you want when I got rich one day?
Mom: let's talk about it once you got a job.
Me: No Mom, what do you want when I got rich one day?
Mom: let's talk about it once you got a job.
Me: I want know now, so I won't spend any money on something else. And I ended up with no money to get something for you. 
Mom: 我要同你地環遊世界.

::::Mom, this is what I gonna do for you when I got rich:::::

Fear or Right Call? or Fear of a Right Call?

Recently, some ppl in my church want to utilize me to revitalize their group passion in fellowship bonding and church serving quality.

At first, I am happy to see that. well, I am happy to do some positive thing at church.
However, later on, as I pray, I heard some kind of warning from the holy spirit.

He told me the followings:
Remember 4 years ago?
Remember your extra Jireh Retreat experience in 2008?
Remember that you pray carefully and try to do everything right, but still being sacked by your close friends and family members (yake, even when I type this now, the pain is sharp), because the beginning purpose of this serving position is wrong?

I immediately remembered, RIGHT, I basically lost 3 friendships that I once was highly regarded.   Right, I could simply defend in this way, "if 3 highly regarded friendships was lost due to such reason, it's better to lose it sooner than later." However, the pure truth is this: I am the one who started the fire to burn these friendships. And worse, everyone start hating me afterward. I think now ppl don't hate me as much as before, because they started having mercy on me...

At the midst of these groups of thoughts, I also questioned, is it coming from my fear? or from my holy spirit? My personal take on this: it should be from my holy spirit, because I forgot these experiences for a long time. Therefore, I shrink this time. I don't let myself to step up this time. I let all of my responsibilities go this time, because I don't like hate the feeling of being hatred and losing.