Holy Spirit is right again. Should step back and let others figure these things out. I was too exciting and done something they don't really enjoy. Worse, some criticized and complained what I had done. I am now at the worst situation since 09. No one really trust me here. No one really allow me do anything I want here. They basically just care what they want to do and what they want to see.
My Church just want me to be a quiet, and uncreative Christian machine, who will do the same old boring things every week. Well, in ICCF, my UIUC Friday Fellowship, we do the same old boring thing such as worships and bible studies every week. I don't feel boring about it, because we put our hearts into it.
Every Tuesday, we pray for the whole fellowship planning and our brothers and sisters.
Every Wednesday, we pray and prepare for the Friday bible studies.
Every Thursday, we pray for every worship team member, our serving heart and the congregation heart during music worship session.
These practice experiences made me grow.
Now, I'm l just learning how to keep me low profile while not bothering finishing their plan. I pretty sure, they will work better and grow faster without me. I feel so out of place there now. I feel like my effort there earn nothing but extra suffer and disrespect. That totally don't feel like home. It feel like another workplace. For example, when I done things right, no one said anything or even a Thank You, but complains come immediately when I made "mistake" (I quote and quote it, because I don't admit that is a mistake). What kind of place will have such communication style? Only workplace does. Worst, and DAMN, I don't get paid for doing these.
My Mom just want me a money earning machine.
No PS3/Acoustic Guitar/Drum. Allowing me going to Church and having a Bass Guitar is already her limit of toleration.I think she already forgot how desperate she was when I was still in the States. I always pray my God give me more time and love on this. I want to nurture my mom not to look at money too heavy. Art and music could give us a happy life too.
This is really hopeless. Especially, after I rejected the Master Program Offer from UIC. I probably need to live like this for 3 more years in order to have some minor improvement. Can't get a proper Urban Planning job unless I have 2-3 urban planning internship experience. However, I expected i will have similar complains even I am in UIC since these are exactly what I had gone through at Chicago 3 years ago.
I think the main question is What make us act like this? Why UIUC aren't like this?
ai...................
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